Confessions of a Lost Girl – Coming Clean

I didn’t want to tell my parent’s about the sexual abuse but at the time it seemed like as good a time as any.  It was Christmas day and although I had lived a good sixteen years I knew that that was the day I would breathe my last breath.  You see, I was pregnant.  No one knew except my boyfriend and a few close friends.  Then again, in highschool a few close friends really translated to the entire highschool.  Yet none of that mattered because today it would all come to an end.  Just a few months earlier my parents had forbidden me from seeing my boyfriend right before he was to leave for basic training.  How could they?  I loved him and nothing was going to keep me away from him. 

It was that mentality that had earned me a ticket on the green mile.  I took a deep breath as I went to open the door to let my boyfriend in.  My parents hadn’t seen him since the hot summer day when they had forbade me to see him.  Confusion and shock danced across their faces as I nervously motioned for him to sit down to join me in revealing our biggest secret. 

“I’m pregnant”, I said. 

In my head it sounded like I had just announced it over the loud speaker but in reality it was barely a whisper.  And there my boyfriend sat beside me with his wide kool-aid grin as if everything was going to be okay.  I knew better.  My parents escorted him outside away from my ears where they delivered a few choice words to the boy who had just ruined their daughter’s life. 

Don’t leave me was all I kept screaming inside my head but I dare not let it slip from my lips, for fear of my parents wrath.  Oh but I couldn’t escape it even if I had tried.  I was scared to death of my parents but most of all of the situation I had gotten myself into.  As far as I was concerned I had made my bed and now it was time for me to lie in it, and my boyfriend and I both agreed to do what it took to care for our unborn child.  However, my parents quickly brought me back to reality as they began talking adoption.  “No”, I had said, “I want to keep my baby”.  Seriously, me keep the baby?  How? I didn’t have a job and my parents had no intentions of allowing me to continue using their car so that I could support my baby.  Instead they threatened to ruin his life.  He was nineteen and I was sixteen so technically it could be considered statutory rape.  How could they?  He and I had been dating for nearly two years by then.  And with that being said he was given the option of going to jail or having his new military career ruined, neither of which were ideal.  In the midst of all the pregnancy talk I confessed about the sexual abuse for which they barely blinked an eye.  Forced into abortion I spent the next year of my life in mourning for my unborn child.  Alone and depressed I had no one to turn to.  With my boyfriend being away in the army life seemed hopeless.  Just one more year to graduation.  One more year to freedom.


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